I've been performing since I was cast as "Woodstick" (they already had a "Woodstock" - the least of the creative liberties) in an 8th grade production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" at the age of five. I went semi-pro at 12, singing the National Anthem for NJ Devils and Boston Red Sox games. Have I gone pro yet? I've had my sit-down gigs in other states, my NYC debuts of new works that just fizzled away. The usual paying-of-dues. I would answer "no." But it's also not why I'd say I'm half an actor.
You ever hear that saying regarding acting, "If you enjoy anything else, do that instead" - ? I'm sure we all have. Any of us with varied interests suddenly freeze, thinking "do I like teaching/pilates/traveling/tending to my vegetable garden more than performing??" Then we're left possibly downplaying our other passions, or even wondering if having them makes us less worthy of artistic success. I am an advocate for laser-like focus. Maybe, for some, that means six auditions a day, dinner at Blockheads, workshop at Actors Connection at night, with stops at Colony and Drama Book Shop. Rinse, repeat. A closet of wholesome dresses, nude pumps, headbands.
It's just not for me. I've always been a multitasker, and I've found, as I'm aging, that I feel more centered when I can assess myself, my being-of-a-person, in a variety of circumstances. Most of these are still creative in a sense. My degree is in Creative Writing, and I have been amassing a collection of personal essays in my quest to give David Sedaris a run for his money. To that end, I love a good story, and have been fortunate enough to work in jobs that were for more than survival - they were for material! I have run a physical therapy facility, made bows at a craft store, freelanced for a newspaper nobody read, danced at corporate parties dressed as a bowling pin, taught voice and dance to children, cared for special-needs newborns...you get the idea. I liked most of these jobs. I even loved some. But I never doubted the road I was on, or what I hoped would eventually consume the majority of my time. However, I find myself justifying my actions to some of my actor friends. So much of being a good actor is knowing yourself, and I know myself well enough to accept my need for balance. Yet I have been told, flat-out, that I must not care as much about success in acting because it is not all I do. When did being well-rounded become a professional detriment? In such a personal, emotional endeavor, common sense would dictate that the more places we go, the more things we can do, the more people we meet, the more we ARE, the more we can give, and the more we can be. At least that's what I hope.
I moved in with my boyfriend last month. He's an engineer. He owns his home. We live in a suburb. The commute to Manhattan isn't far, but it might as well be another planet when compared with my previous lifestyle. It's what I want - part of it, at least. As always. I'm trying to make sure I'm working towards the things I know I'll want no matter what: a husband, a family. If that means I have to fight a little harder for the rest, it's a price I'm willing to pay. But I'm losing friends. Suddenly, I'm inaccessible. Suddenly, we're not the same. My boyfriend has actually been asked, in social situations where he is the only non-actor "Wait....are you a 'real person'?"
And there it is. I want to feel real. In the business of playing pretend, for many reasons, I want to stay in touch with how the other half lives. I read what I've written so far to my boyfriend, and he doesn't understand, except to know that he doesn't understand. He probably never will. It's great.
I even struggled with what name I would use for this post. I have a stage name - because, despite my only five-letters-long surname, it is consistently and creatively bastardized, and also to separate my professional and personal lives. Am I Angela the singer, the actress, the model? Or am I Angela the writer, the reader, the girl who DVRs every episode of "Jeopardy!" Maybe I'll find a way to merge all my roads. Plenty have done so before me. But it's daunting. I find myself questioning where my energy goes, if I'm making the right choices long-term or looking for quick fixes for circumstances that demand more attention.
This is an incredibly broad discussion to have with myself, so I invite all of you to share your feedback and experiences. What are your other interests, how many professional hats do you wear, and do you feel the need to apologize for them? Have you found yourself a group of supportive actors with whom you can share all your pursuits, without measuring who works harder at one thing or another? If you have, consider yourself lucky....and call me!
First and foremost, congrats to Angela on being our first ever guest blogger. I really think she knocked it out of the park. I have to say that I agree with Angela here. I LOVE actors, I think I have made that pretty evident by all I am trying to do for my fellow actors with Audition Update. But there is nothing I find more boring than an actor who ONLY wants to talk about acting. I find that my most talented friends are the ones with very fulfilled interests outside of the biz. Don't get me wrong. I like talking shop, but there are some who talk about nothing else. I agree with my guest blogger here that a balance needs to be struck.
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